Friday, 1 June 2012

10 months sober

I am 10 months sober today.

Only 61 days until I am one year sober.

I felt tempted to drink today. Today has been the sort of day that in the past I definitely would have drank on.

I am very glad I have not drank today. If I had of drank I would have either had to lie to people about the fact I drank or I could have confessed to drinking and then I would have caused worry, anxiety and great disappointment to some people who are close to me.

One reason I did not drink today is that I know that if I had of drank today I would feel absolutely terrible tomorrow. I don't mean just having a hangover. I would feel so disappointed with myself.

I want SO MUCH to achieve one year of sobriety on August 1st. And I want so much for 2012 to be a 100% sober year.

The temptation I felt to drink today is probably the strongest temptation to drink I've felt in the last 10 months.

If I had drank tonight I would have bought a 2 litre cask of cheap red wine and started off drinking at home. I could have told myself before starting to drink that there was no way I would later go to a pub or club but once I had 1-2 litres of wine in me then anything was possible.

In 2004 I was 14 months sober when I lapsed back into drinking. My first day drinking, after 14 months sobriety, I got drunk, blacked out and was arrested by the police (for breaking a window). The same thing happened in 2007 when I was 5 months sober; I ended up in police custody my first night back on the drink (for breaking bail conditions).

Luckily most days are not like today. Most days I am happy and grateful to be sober and I am not tempted to drink.


Kev said...

Congrats, Paul. Mazel tov.

Interesting to see the timeline like that. First day back drinking in 2004 ends up with police. First day back drinking in 2007 again ends up with police.

Good to see you being happy and grateful for being sober too. It's strange with the high school kids who glorify being drunk so much. I remember that long phase myself, which for me started at the same age as them. But it's somehow sad to see kids repeating it all. Everyone has to learn for themselves I guess.

Harry has a new friend in the backyard now from next door, a dog as small as Gus.

Paul C said...

Thanks for your comments, Kev.

Remembering (with a clear, sober mind) the troubles that happened in 2004 and 2007, and other times when I drank after a period of sobriety, makes it easier for me to make the decision to not drink on the rare days when I fell tempted to drink.

For me, I think the main reason I've been able to stay sober the past 10 months is that I have seemingly and finally been able to see the bloody obvious; ie- if I drink alcohol then pain, madness and troubles (for me and others) will follow, with a 100% certainty.

Anonymous said...

I'm on my 10th month sober. My first 3 months were hard. Now, it's easy. When I think of drinking alcohol, I remind myself what it feels like to be foggy in my head, to feel hung over in the morning, to have exhaustion from sleeping horribly, and the feeling of being disappointed in myself. I love being sober! Hugs, Susan