I am 10 months sober today.
Only 61 days until I am one year sober.
I felt tempted to drink today. Today has been the sort of day that in the past I definitely would have drank on.
I am very glad I have not drank today. If I had of drank I would have either had to lie to people about the fact I drank or I could have confessed to drinking and then I would have caused worry, anxiety and great disappointment to some people who are close to me.
One reason I did not drink today is that I know that if I had of drank today I would feel absolutely terrible tomorrow. I don't mean just having a hangover. I would feel so disappointed with myself.
I want SO MUCH to achieve one year of sobriety on August 1st. And I want so much for 2012 to be a 100% sober year.
The temptation I felt to drink today is probably the strongest temptation to drink I've felt in the last 10 months.
If I had drank tonight I would have bought a 2 litre cask of cheap red wine and started off drinking at home. I could have told myself before starting to drink that there was no way I would later go to a pub or club but once I had 1-2 litres of wine in me then anything was possible.
In 2004 I was 14 months sober when I lapsed back into drinking. My first day drinking, after 14 months sobriety, I got drunk, blacked out and was arrested by the police (for breaking a window). The same thing happened in 2007 when I was 5 months sober; I ended up in police custody my first night back on the drink (for breaking bail conditions).
Luckily most days are not like today. Most days I am happy and grateful to be sober and I am not tempted to drink.